When My Abide Died
There are two significant events in my life that I had no control over. The first happened in 1985 when I was a freshman in college, and the second one happened in 2000 when my family and I were living overseas. First, I left home for college in August of ’85, and in October, I got the news from a friend that my dad had died of a heart attack; he was 48 and was on the phone with the doctor when it happened. Then, in December of 2000, while living in Brazil, I got a phone call in the middle of the night from my sister saying that our mom had been in a car wreck. A few hours later, she called me back to tell me that our mom had died.
I tell you these two tragedies in my life to share with you a bit of what I learned from them; I’m still learning, by the way. Going back to school after my dad died was not my idea; my mom made sure that I went back. I did not want to go to school, and I did not want to face the rest of my life without my dad. I was not suicidal, I just didn’t want to do anything. My grades slipped, I began looking for ways around the rules at school, and I began to do what many college kids do: party.
I’m not proud of where I was heading in my life at that time; I just knew that I was mad at God and did not really want to talk to him about it. The one thing in my life that could’ve given me the peace I needed and I chose to ignore the voice of God. Abide in Him? No way! To abide simply means to continue in a place. When I left home for college, I was in a great place with the Lord, and I was excited about going to school to study and go into some kind of music ministry. That didn’t happen. I walked away from the Lord, and I walked away from anybody who I thought might be speaking on his behalf, even though I had some great friends that loved me through all of it. I was not spending time with the Lord and had no intentions of meeting with him regularly.
My abide died.
Fast forward fifteen years. My family and I moved to Brazil in June of 2000. In December is when I got the call from my sister. After flying home for six weeks to do all that needed to be done with the funeral and my mother’s house, we were back in Brazil. I distinctly remember some of the same feelings I began having about what I felt God had allowed to happen in my life. I pulled back again. I began to pull away from any type of ministry I knew that God had called us to do. I didn’t talk to people. I didn’t talk to my wife, Linda.
My abide died.
I was not interested in hearing from the Lord and was angry that I was 33 without both of my parents. I was also angry because my brother was 24 and my sister was 38 and without either parent.
What did I learn about abiding? About how to bear with things patiently. About accepting without objection. About how to remain fixed or in a stable position. I learned that regardless of what is going on in my life, regardless of the less than desirable circumstances, God wants to meet with me regularly. Part of this I learned by raising three children. It doesn’t matter what they do or what they have done; I want to spend time with them. And, if that is how I feel as a sinful, earthly father, imagine how much more God wants to spend time with me, as a perfect heavenly Father.
Don’t let your circumstances determine how much time you spend with the Lord. I came out of both of these situations by surrounding myself with people who love me and not believing the lie from the enemy that God didn’t like me. I found my way back to abiding in him and learning about his love for me. In John chapter 15, Jesus tells his disciples to abide in him because we can do nothing apart from him.
I’ve done nothing before; it is NOT God’s best for me.
Don’t let your abide die!
—John